Looking to the future

The gravity of this last cycle is weighing on my mind. I wake up at 4am thinking, “How is this going to turn out?”

When this cycle works:

The due date will be: March 13, 2012  or if there are twins, it could be February 19, 2012 based on average twin gestation.

March really works out better because the Midwest has some heinous snow storms in January and February.  Maybe Mother Nature is planning some serious blizzards and wants the parents to be safe in their travels. I mean they’ve had enough hurdles already, right?

I’ve never been pregnant in March before.  Nope, scratch that. Little A was conceived in the first week of March.  I’ve never… worn maternity clothes in March. (I probably cut that one close though.  lol!)

The babies I carry do prefer the holidays. K was born unexpectedly, 4 days before Christmas. A was born on her due date the day before Thanksgiving. (and yes I was released in time for turkey lunch at Grammy’s house. woot!) This baby would be shooting for St. Patrick’s day which in and of itself is lucky, right? So that fits.  lol

If it doesn’t work out:

Well I prefer not to dwell on it. Several have asked what K&M will do. I don’t know. I don’t dare ask and it’s not my business. I suspect they haven’t made a final decision yet.  It’s been an emotionally and financially draining journey to say the least.  Bless their hearts.

What will I do if it doesn’t work? I don’t know.  The last few days without meds have been so awesome. I miss that. I still have the drive to put a baby in the arms of someone deserving though.

Would I contact an agency?   Um… probably not. (Certainly, nothing against those who are/would.)  I wouldn’t rule it out, but probably not.

Would I carry for a friend or someone I know who needs help? Very possibly. They would need to contact me though.  I don’t intend to beg for takers.  lol!!

Would I go on with my life and not carry another baby. That’s a possibility too, although after all this, I suspect I’d feel something is missing. Who knows?  At this point, it’s not worth pondering. My time is better spent on reaching the goal at hand, and I’m aiming for a win. A BIG WIN!

I keep imagining the day I place that baby into their arms. They look so happy! I want that for them.