I killed a tree.

It's true. I think I killed a whole tree printing off our contract. It's a good one though. All 22 pages of it. I am planning to make the final review of our contract tonight and then sign it. After that it gets sent off to the parents and to their RE. THEN.... we can get this party started!

The action begins with my next cycle day 1 which is about to happen any day now. In fact, I'm not sure if my stomach is cramping because it's warning me of aunt flo's impending arrival or because I'm a little nervous and excited. Once the cycle starts, I will go on birth control to control the timing of the cycle. Hopefully my family will still like me after being on the pills as I don't tend to react well to them. Its only for a few weeks though. It would be a few less weeks if the clinic out east weren't CLOSED on the 25th of April but we'll roll with it.  :) The date, right now, for transfer is April 1 or April 8 if I need more time. I'll take estrogen on top of the birth control pills to build a plush and luxurious home for the embryo to implant in. I'll preheat the oven, fluff the pillows, dust off the welcome mat, and leave the light on in there. You know... all the typical embryo welcoming things.

During the whole cycle, I'll have weekly ultrasounds to check my lining and blood work to make sure hormones are favorable.  I'll begin progesterone supplements a few days before the transfer to help support the pregnancy and then it will be time to board the plane for my final blood test, ultrasound, and then the actual transfer.

Because of logistics, I'll have to leave my two girls for about 4-5 days. Testing needs to occur before noon, the day before the transfer, which means I need to arrive the night before because of flight time. After that testing occurs, I'll have an acupuncture appointment to (try and) relax me and increase our chances for success. I'm also weaning myself off of caffeine as it's been known to adversely affect success rates in some cases. I'm not taking any chances. I really want this to work the first time.

The decison regarding the number of embryos to transfer has been left up to me. I am so appreciative of this courtesy and am not taking the decision lightly. I've been researching stats like a mad woman, asking experts, talking to people who have gone through IVF, talking with moms of multiples, etc in my quest for the most complete set of facts to base my decision on. I'm certainly not taking it lightly. The agreed upon objective is one healthy baby and not twins. This leaves me with the decision between transferring one embryo which is the safe call, or two embryos which increase the chances (slightly) of one or the other sticking. It also increases the chances (about 15-20%) of twins. However, the mother is of advanced maternal age (although you'd never know by meeting her!) so we've got that factor against us statistically.

There are a lot of reasons that I don't want to carry twins. Most of them revolving around my daughters' well being. The mother has offered to fly here and care for my children if I'd go on bedrest. This does make me feel better as she was great with my girls when they visited us. (and it's truly generous of her. They're amazing!) The hesitation is still there though. Twin pregnancies are riskier than most people realize, and who knows? Maybe all those eggs need is a different uterus to settle in.  ?? So many ?????'s.  Suffice it to say that I'm putting some very real thought into this one.

The mother will be accompanying me during the transfer. It will be nice to have the support. It's an easy process and not much different from an annual physical except that a catheter with an embryo (or two) will be placed into the uterus and left there to snuggle in. (It WILL snuggle in. I'm willing it to.) Their Dr advises 36 hours of bedrest following the procedure. Rest assured the second that 36 hours is up, I'll be hopping on a plane back home to hug my husband and girls. Leaving them is like leaving one of my limbs behind. :)

So, that's how it's all going to go down. If you've got some positive vibes or prayers to send my way, I'd really be thankful. The Mom and Dad have waited so long to see their faces in a child of their own and like the surrogate said in last night's episode of One Born Every Minute, a couple does not come to the decision of surrogacy without serious heartache and loss.

Speaking of OBEM, did anyone see the episode? Powerful wasn't it?  I nearly cried.  All happy tears. ...and I rarely cry about anything.

Contract - check

Another check off the list. Well... almost. I met with my lawyer today to go over the carrier agreement. There were just a few changes that we're requesting be made and then it's ready to sign. It's sort of creepy going over and over all of the absolute worst case scenarios, but it's really important to plan carefully as well.

Now, if I can get my husband to go get his blood work done, and the insurance company specializing in surrogate coverage comes back saying that they'll cover me, we can get ready to roll. I think I have to be covered for a month by the insurance before we can transfer. Other than that, not many hurdles are left.

We're getting close!

Oh! And I found out today that I will be sharing a pregnancy with someone very close to me. How exciting! More on that later.  ;)

6 vials with a chatty Cathy.

I had my blood work done this morning in preparation for the surrogacy. They tested hormone levels to make sure I'm creating a good environment for an embryo/blast to settle into, and also did the routine drug, HIV and infectious disease testing.

I've had blood work like this done before when we were going through infertility testing but it wasn't this extensive. I'd planned to take my girls along but it just happened that grandma was planning to come over to play with them, so I snuck out on my own. Thank goodness! It was a 10 minute appointment at best, that actually took 45. I sat for 10 minutes past my appointment in the waiting room. Then the phlebotomist had to enter each test into the computer. We made small talk and she commented (several times) on the number of tests that were ordered. There were 15 total. I told her that in this case, you can't be too careful and sort of chuckled. I think it was killing her that I didn't say what it was for.

Then she whipped out 6 vials and a cup. She joked that I ran her out of vials and that she'd just fill up the cup for the rest. (It was actually for the drug screen.) She also reassured me that she's leave me a few drops of blood in order to sustain life.  A little dramatic but she was funny. She filled the first vial. We chatted about her friends. Changed to the second vial. She told me that she wanted to build a tunnel from her house to her neighbor's. Third vial. She talked about how much blood they used to take compared to the amount they need today. Fourth vial. She joked about it being a good thing they didn't have to send the actual blood out east and that it would likely freeze. (No doubt. It was negative 7 degrees at 10:30am this morning.) Fifth vial. I knew she was gathering the courage to ask, and there it was... So it's not every day you come in needing half of your blood emptied into a bunch of tubes, huh?  My answer - that's true. :: Smile ::  But at that moment I felt like I was being mean. It was clearly killing her, so I told her I was going to be a surrogate and that this testing was a requirement before we got started. She was pretty excited about that. Sixth vial. Finally a little silence.  ;).

She did a pretty good job overall, and I don't have too bad of a bruise. She was able to stick me on the first try which is relatively rare. I sure appreciated that. She did scrape my arm with the end of the needle though as she pulled it out. I didn't notice until I pulled my sleeve down and it started burning. Now as the day goes on, every time I pick up my littlest peanut, it burns some more. Really what am I complaining about though? I mean... I'm going to give birth, hopefully unmedicated again. Kind of a drop in the bucket, right?  :)  Ahhh perspective.

More testing checked off the list

On Monday we had some crazy weather coming in, so I took my two girls out for a playdate, lunch, and some groceries before the storm. We had a blast and when we got home I noticed I had a message from the RE office out East. They'd been able to get my appointment for the Saline Sonohysterogram set up for that afternoon yet at my local fertility clinic. (I thought we were out of luck because their nurses was unable to get it set up the week prior and it was the very last day that the test could be performed in this cycle.)  I immediately freaked out. I wasn't mentally prepared, Kate had dance class, and I needed child care.  However, I called my husband and he was able to come home early.  The roads were slick but I made it okay. I loaded up on Advil and the test was actually a breeze. I hurried to get dressed and out of the fertility clinic but the roads were just bad enough that Katen had to miss her dance class. I felt badly but at least the last big test was done. Whew!

The contract also arrived in my inbox this afternoon, so I'll review that with our lawyer in the near future. Then it's just blood work to complete and we're ready to roll. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the details but very excited none the less!

Red Tape and other sticky things

Things moved much faster than I had anticipated and before I knew it, I had a list of things to do in order to prepare for the surrogacy. The first thing in the process was to begin weaning my youngest child. I had to think long and hard about whether it was the right time and how it would affect her. My one steadfast goal throughout the surrogacy is to affect my girls' lives as little as possible. I had previously hoped to nurse until my youngest was18mos but decided that I would nurse until she was a year old instead. At that time I would begin weaning. I explained this to K&M and, although it meant waiting for a while to begin, they were so gracious and agreed that we would do the transfer no sooner than 2 months after my youngest child's birthday. I was so relieved. SO relived. I began the process casually, letting my child set the pace, and eventually we were able to get her weaned without too much trouble. Weaning - Check!

The next step in the process was to get my medical records sent to the couple's Dr out East. I also had to get a letter from my OB stating that it was okay for me to get pregnant. My OB wanted me to get a physical before she'd release me but insurance wouldn't cover one until the end of January. We really needed things to move faster than that. After some calling and whining on my part, one of the new OB's at the practice I go to agreed to sign the release without seeing me. Funny how I'd never met her in my life but she'd okay it anyway.  Ha! Record and release - check!

The next step was a required psychological evaluation. This was supposed to be done out East, but K&M were able to find a Dr here in my home city so that I wouldn't have to leave my children. (Thank you!) The Psychologist wanted to do a group session, so K & M flew half way across the US for the weekend before the appointment and joined me and my family for dinner the night before.

All of us were very nervous for this visit. What would we think of each other? Would this be awkward? In reality it was a wonderful visit. M&K brought the most amazing cupcakes and my oldest daughter fell instantly in love with both of them. We had a nice dinner, got to know one another better, and they were so great with our children. This further strengthened my desire to give this couple a baby. The next day was our evaluation. It ended up being fairly easy and all of us passed with flying colors.  Psychological evaluation - check!

So that's where we sit right now. I have a call into the fertility clinic in my home city to do a sonohysterogram. This is basically a uterine power wash to determine that the womb is ready for a baby. I've had this done in the testing process to have our first child. I am not looking forward to this visit as it causes me a lot of discomfort but I keep telling myself that if I can birth two children without medication, then I can surely make it through this again without too much whining. Right? And it's all for a greater good. This is another of the tests that was supposed to be done out East but K really went to bat for me on this one and finally their Dr agreed that I could have it done here.  The results could be relayed to him. (Thank you again!!)

After that is complete, there's just routine blood testing, both for my husband and for me. I'll have mine done right away and I anticipate that my husband will drag his feet. I don't blame him. He doesn't really like Dr's much and nobody goes to have their blood drawn just for fun.  :)

Once that's done, we'll secure a lawyer to review the contract and THEN.... Then we can really get started. We're thinking mid March??

My Beginning

I'm a 32 year old wife and mother of two seriously amazing girls. When conceiving our children, we too had challenges to face and, in the process, became part of a supportive group of women who all have dealt with infertility in one way or another. Over the course of almost 4 years, many of us have become good friends and talk almost daily. Through this network, I was connected with K and M's blog.

My husband and I had joked around often that I was made to birth babies and that it should be my job. My pregnancies don't keep me down, my labor and deliveries are super fast (4 hours the first time. 2 hours the second.), and I tend to bounce back pretty well after birth. When I became aware of this couple who needed help, it seemed logical that I would ask to help them. My husband and I talked about it, thought about it for a while, and a few days later, with shakey hands, I sent a reply to M&K letting them know that I wanted to help.

At first I thought maybe they hadn't gotten my message or that they hadn't picked me, but after a while an email popped into my inbox from K. Yes they were interested and they wanted to know more about me. We emailed back and forth for a while and then agreed to talk over the phone. The night that we were to speak for the first time, I got a call from my mother telling me that my father had been killed in a terrible accident. Once I got over the shock, I decided that I would still go through with the phone call. It lifted my spirits to talk with this couple. I learned about how amazing they are, always helping others, visiting orphanages in Ethiopia, traveling, and loving each other. I learned about their family and more about the details of the surrogacy.

When I got off the phone, I was feeling very nervous about it, but still felt compelled to give this couple a baby. They would be amazing parents and this child, no doubt, would be so loved and raised in a way that would create another amazing person. The decision had been made. We were going to do this.

In the beginning

Sometimes life is going to throw you a curve ball. You can complain about it, or you can do something about it and call it an adventure. That's where this story begins.

M and K loved children and set to work right away trying to bring a child into their lives. However, it wasn't long before they started to wonder if something was wrong. As a precaution, they had some testing done, which lead to more testing, medications, treatments, surgeries, more Dr.s, more tests, more meds, more miscarriages more heartbreak, more, more, more until they could take no more.  All of the Dr.s agreed on one thing. While their embryos were beautiful, K would not be able to carry a baby on her own.

K and M researched their alternatives, did a lot of soul searching and arrived at a very difficult decision. They would find a gestational surrogate. After trying the agency route, they felt it was simply too impersonal. They were not just a number, nor was the person who would carry their baby, so they set out alone to find the right person. They created a blog to tell about their story and shared it with friends and family, hoping that someone out there knew someone else who could help them. That's were I come in.