Monday, May 23, 2011

Bumpy Road Ahead - Proceed with Caution

I spoke with the mother today. We talked about their gut reaction and what they think they may do. They're thinking that they'd like to use the remaining 4 embryos they have frozen. They would transfer all 4. We've already blown through 3 of their eggs inside me without success and two others weren't worthy of refreeze. That means over half of their embryos already weren't capable of life, most likely due to the parents' age. In talking with their RE the odds are that there may be one good embryo in the 4 remaining. Maybe (improbably) two. The rest are probably not capable of life. However sometimes God works in mysterious ways and we need to be prepared for that too.

As a result, they've asked me to make another difficult decision. The contract calls for selective reduction (their choice - please no flames. They've spent countless hours making the decision.) if three or more heart beats are detected. What I need to decide is: In the event that we need to reduce, would I ask them to reduce to one, or to twins? Twins are not the goal, but they are afraid if they reduce to one and that one doesn't make it or has chromosomal abnormality, they wouldn't take home a child.

There are other things that I have to consider as well. One healthy child is still the goal. Obviously I'm not crazy about twins but am willing to help them meet their goal as best as I can, because adoption is not an option for them. This could be "it." We do have a solid plan in place in the event of twins, but it would still put a strain on our family.

With regard to abnormalities, the risks are higher because of the parents' age. If abnormalities were detected, the contract states that they would abort. (Again, this is their child, not mine, so I will respect their parenting choices, whether they match my own or not.)  Obviously all of their babies could be perfectly normal too.

I have a gut reaction for what I plan to do, but I asked the parents if I could please sleep on it. It's a heavy decision and I want to make sure my heart and my head are working symbiotically. 

IF we go through with this, there will be so much riding on this next cycle. There will be no more embryos left and it's the last try that's accounted for in our contract. It's going to be increasingly important that I find ways to act on the pressure in a positive way. Knowing how challenging it is for me, this has to be crippling for them. Can you imagine?

1 comment:

  1. Wow, what a spot to be in. Despite following your blog, it never occurred to me that you would have to make these types of decisions. I didn't even think of selective reduction or anything of that nature. I can't imagine being faced with those choices and I wish you peace in whatever decisions you make.


Everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinion and I love to hear alternative view points. That's the spice of life! However... please know that if your comment is in any way (1)derogatory toward the intended parents, (2)lacks common courtesy/tact, or (3)provides an uneducated stance it will be moderated. Difference of opinion is fine. Stupidity, not so much. Positivity - it does a body good! :)