Sunday, May 29, 2011

Inquiring minds want to know

We had a get-together this evening with a group of good friends. I brought my favorite stuffed potato salad. Actually, I’m not a big fan of potato salad, but my special recipe makes it hard to resist. It starts with a regular potato salad recipe, but then I add ranch dressing, a bag of cheese crumbles, green onions, and BACON. Lots of bacon. Then I let it sit in the fridge overnight. Soooo good.

Several of the people there had seen me at a wedding about a week before I’d last headed out East. Many were kind and wanted to know how things turned out. Was I pregnant? I was really shocked at myself in the way that it stung so much to tell them it didn’t work out. again. I felt kind of ashamed, and sad. More than once, it was actually kind of tough to mutter the words.

One person asked, “It it hard on you to do this?”  My answer was that if I can place a baby in K&M’s arms this will all be worth it.  Many ask how many times we’ll try. I wonder if they’re judging me or genuinely interested. Most likely genuine.

Others want to know if I’ll be carrying multiples and why, if I didn’t want to carry twins, I would have agreed to do this. That’s a valid question. In all honesty there are two reasons for that. One – When presented with the opportunity I was excited about it and also naïve. I didn’t go through an agency who would have prepped us, so while my husband and I thought about several different scenarios, twins didn’t play into many of them. Additionally – when I first met with the parents, they were clear that one healthy baby was the goal and twins were not ideal. They indicated that they were planning on a single embryo transfer for the first two transfers and then maybe a double transfer on the third try. I was not aware, at that time, that the embryos’ mother was of advance maternal age, so I took their intentions at face value. The parents were clearly not aware that a single embryo transfer was most likely a sentence to failure. We’ve all got our facts straight now and we’re moving forward.

Knowing what I know now, if someone came to me and said they wanted to be a surrogate, but didn’t want to carry twins, I’d tell them they probably weren’t well suited for the job. That sounds harsh, but I would. There are many reasons for that, but my intention is not to write a novel tonight.  Ask me if you really want to know the answer though.

The most forward question I got was, “If this doesn’t work out, what are you missing out on that you were going to put the reimbursement toward?”  um wow. Sarcastic smile  Well… It’s not about the reimbursement, but it would be going into our girls’ college funds. Now y’all know and nobody has to ask that one any more. 

People crack me up.  lol!  I’m glad people are interested, as long as it’s for the right reasons.

1 comment:

  1. I think a lot of people would have a hard time understanding someone doing GC for someone they don't know, and thus wondering about the reimbursment. But it isn't anyone's biz-wax so feel free to tell them that.


Everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinion and I love to hear alternative view points. That's the spice of life! However... please know that if your comment is in any way (1)derogatory toward the intended parents, (2)lacks common courtesy/tact, or (3)provides an uneducated stance it will be moderated. Difference of opinion is fine. Stupidity, not so much. Positivity - it does a body good! :)